The first time we saw a mouse in our house, it was 2019. We actually saw the mouse skitter across the floor while we were dining.  Apparently, the  little critters had been squatting in our newly purchased, but sadly neglected, home in San Diego.  We were the invaders, not them.

We certainly didn’t want to hurt the cute little varmints so we bought a couple of capture and release containers, filled them with cheese, and soon our two unwanted little visitors were “rewilded” at an open space park a mile away.  End of story.

Nearly six years and an extensive remodel have elapsed and we gave no further thought  or shrift to rodents.  NIMBY!

Then, one night about three weeks ago, we noticed that our microwaveable neck pain collar was shedding its seed stuffing onto the living room rug.  We vacuumed  it up and assumed that it was just poor workmanship or excess heating that destroyed the collar.

The next day, we saw itty bitty seeds at the foot of my beloved antique Poupee doll. I’ve had her for over 40 years.  She used to lie sexily draped over Andy’s piano like Susie Diamond in “The Fabulous Baker Boys” played by the Fabulous Michelle Pfeiffer.  Now she stood indignantly on our fireplace mantel with tiny seeds dropping from her cruelly scratched fabric legs.  

To make matters worse, those seeds were accompanied by the familiar little dry turds of yore. The mice were back in town!!

We pulled out the old trap and release cabins and planned to ship these new little rascals to the same local park.  The next morning, we came down and the traps were untouched and new poop locales were found in our kitchen, in the downstairs bathroom and wherever the previous seeds had gotten stuck in cracks. But the cheddar cheese stood alone and untouched.

This cat and mouse game ( with us as the inept cats) kept up for another day or two. 

Then, we moved to Defcon two.  We headed to the hardware store for more productive ideas on traps and bait.  We learned modern, apparently well- educated mice prefer peanut butter and grapes to old school cheese so we prepared new charcuterie boards in the traps with PB &G. And waited for results.

Alas, the next morning we found new poops and seeds. This time in my upstairs craft closet right next door to our bedroom. The varmints somehow scented another seeded doll there. It was new and was wrapped in bubble plastic. Yet, those mice chewed their way through.  Their hard work that night  left me loads of mice excrement on the floor along with scattered seed droppings.

But where were these elusive rodents coming from and how did they get in my closet?  That’s when I went on the warpath, circling our house, every outlet and every cable ever strung through a hole. Our wifi connecting wires in my closet were a clue to their closet caper.  And we found a lot more unholy gaps in our castle defenses.  Andy returned again to the hardware store and came home with a foam system to plug some holes and tape to close others.  We cleaned up the new mess and hoped we were now done.

But no, more evidence of mousecapades were discovered throughout  the house.  I hunted under couches, vacuumed vents and scrubbed mouse pee off window sills and behind doors. 

Every morning afterward became a nervous game of hide and seek as we came downstairs to see if we’d captured any critters.  But we never saw a single mouse and now the mouse food was gone too with traps that never sprung.

Ok, animal lovers, this is your warning to stop reading this mouse tail (er tale).  After more than  a week of  indulging our night prowlers, we decided we are done.  No more Mr. Nice Guy. We are at MouseCon 3.  We are out for mouse murder!

Another trip to the local Ace Hardware.  What will kill mice kindly?, we asked.  They pointed us to special traps and a bag of pellets designed to  let mice eat, leave and later drift off to permanent sleep somewhere. We spread the pellets around all the suspected destinations and refilled the charcuterie traps– we even bought a better grade of peanut butter!

The next morning, the food was gone but the traps and catch cages were all empty.  But no new droppings were found. And we never saw (and. thankfully, never smelled) a mouse.

Could it be that we finally outsmarted or outlasted our little grey ghosts.  Did they  get the memo that they are no longer wanted and grabbed all the goodies and ran?

We sure hope so.  It’s nearly the night before Christmas…and we hope and pray that– all through our house– not a creature will be stirring, not even a mouse.

Happy Holidays dear readers.

And a special holiday treat– revisit Michelle Pfeiffer on that fabulous piano:

And my drawing of the full Poupee in better days